Thank you for being alive…for STAYING alive. Even though our family has had blessed existence I know your mind has tortured you since you were a toddler. Your thoughts about life, the world, and your place in it have always belied your age. It’s your father’s fault! You inherited his brain……but you got MY heart. I think it’s a good combination. You are truly a kind and caring soul……yet good at math.
What I am most grateful for this week is that you follow an internal compass that guides you to what is right… for you. I am grateful you have not experimented with drugs or fast cars or any risky behavior. I KNOW there will come a time when you must test limits but each year, that you put those off, brings you closer to maturity and to making better choices.
Letting you quit school at 15, get your GED, and go to college FREAKED me out. But the events of this past week have only humbled me and made me cry with relief and even pride.
I was so proud of you today and yet my heart ached knowing you were in such pain. Tears flowed as I watched you get dressed in new socks and shoes, new black pants, and an understated aloha shirt. More tears as you brushed and tied your beautiful long hair back. We were both fine in the car as we drove to the church but as you put on your white gloves and stepped beside your dear friend Colin I had to fight back sobs. You looked so grown up as you helped pull Colin’s casket from the hearse and take him into the church. No 16 year old should have to carry his buddy’s body or hug his grieving parents. I had not mentioned it but as you looked at Colin in his casket you recognized that it wasn’t him…..that the body was a shell that no longer contained your friend.
My love and appreciation grew as you stood tall carrying Colin from the church to his resting place at the cemetery. I knew your tears were not because you wished you had done more to stop his risky behavior. You did. Most kids wouldn’t tell the parents that their son had a drug problem. You did.
Rebop, you were such a good friend to Colin. I am sorry you had to see him lowered into the ground, to throw dirt on his casket instead of throwing dirt AT each other in the back yard.
I hope Colin’s tragedy will make other kids hesitate before they indulge in risky behavior. I hope parents won’t worry about privacy issues as opposed to losing their children. Most of all, I am grateful that you have chosen a safe path for yourself. I trust your judgment and your instincts…… and, Rebop,
Thank you, for being alive!
I Love you,
Mom
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